Reflection

As New Years was approaching I was focused on what I had accomplished regarding my trauma of teen sexual abuse and it came to me that I hadn’t forgiven yet. As I thought about it I kept asking myself what does that really look like for me. Everywhere I go I see that company where I worked as a teen and it’s a constant reminder of hatred. I don’t want to feel this anymore. I want to be free of this hatred towards this man, but where is that line. What is forgiveness without giving a piece of yourself with it. If I give forgiveness this will mean it’s for me not him. I’m not condoning what he did or sparing my feelings I’m just letting go of the feelings I don’t want to have in my body anymore. It doesn’t mean I support their business or open my heart to them it just means I can learn to love myself a little bit deeper knowing that I won’t allow that hatred to control me anymore. That’s the forgiveness I seek. See that I’m more important in all this, the hate just slows me down and just keeps me at a place of not loving me. This weeks picture is a reflection picture as shortly after New Years came and gone my amazing dog Victor became apparently ill which has left me in a state of heightened anxiety and feeling really lost. We are away from home and he is being diagnosed with either advanced liver cirrhosis or cancer and from here it doesn’t look good. Grief is approaching and I’m scared because I know how much love I have for this dog. He has been my companion for 10 years and has been my everything in a lot of situations in life. I am saddened by what will come next. Much love Nicole xoxo

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