Fully Exposed

Recently my dog Victor passed after being with him for almost 10 years! It was to say the least devastating and our family is still grieving over his loss. The day after I put him down I received so many beautiful messages from many people. One that really caught my attention was from a woman my younger sister went to grade school with Angela. She sent me a message to watch some utube videos on Danielle McKinnon regarding grieving the loss of your pet. I’ve always been very connected to Souls and the spirit world and during my time with Victor we had many conversations about life and what I was going through. I remember when I first got him and he chose me in the sense he would always want to be around me. I was floored that this animal wanted my attention and made me feel so special and wanted. He was dedicated to making me happy and loving me with an honest intention. It was such a beautiful thing and made me feel a love that I have never experienced before. Our other dogs always chose Jeff but this one was solely for me. I remember asking for this, I remember saying I just want a dog that will chose me and love me with all it has. My request came true when I received Victor. Over the years he stood by my side no matter what. Even when I scolded him or was disciplining him he never held a grudge or made me feel bad he continued to love me over and over again. He was my little soul that showed me I could be loved, but loved like nothing I ever experienced before. He was my cheerleader, he was my mentor, he was my follower but also my leader and protector. With humans there sometimes are conditions to love, people stay angry, people hold grudges, people get offended all by their own pain in what they have experienced in life. A dogs love is pure, they never reject you which is such a beautiful amazing feeling. He was placed here on earth to show me love, show me that I could be loved unconditionally no matter what I did he would stay by my side. He supported me in everything. He helped me get through those troubling moments when I had anxiety and panic attacks living through the memories of my young teen sexual abuse from my boss. He understood and supported me by just being there, having conversations with me while I was down and out and no one else was around. About a couple months ago I remember clearly having a conversation with him just saying I don’t know what I would do without him and that’s when he told me he would be leaving soon. I was like no you can’t I’m not ready. I remember the feeling, he knew I was getting better, he watched as Jeff and I got closer and he saw the support I had with him. He knew I was being taken care of and understood his time was coming to and end. It was sad but I truly understand why he was here, what his purpose was and why he needed to leave. Although it’s so sad it brings such great meaning and understanding. When we were putting him down I told him to let us know that he was still with us. That evening when we got home we were going to take Oreo out for a walk because she kept looking for him, I couldn’t find my boots so I slipped my foot into one of my old skidoo boots and found one of his old collars with a tag of his name and number. Our first sign and it made our walk so much more enjoyable! After we got home from our walk we all went downstairs to watch a movie together. Jeff was sitting in the large chair and noticed a wrapper sticking out from under the cushion inside the chair, he reached his hand in to pull it and out came Victors original metal collar he had when we got him. Just so incredible! Even more I had just shampooed the furniture right before Christmas. We keep hearing whimpers showing his affection, he is definitely hear with us. There is no doubt in my mind about the afterlife. Regardless if you are human or an animal we all have souls that live on. Each and every one of us experiences soul connections each day of our lives whether they are short or long periods of time spent together. His teachings of love, forgiveness and dedication will never be forgotten. If we could only see this kind of love in everything we do say and feel our lives would vibrate on such a different level. Next time you feel the urge to resist, or hold energy that doesn’t serve you with love think of what it would be like to just stand under the beautiful sunlight and ask that you receive love instead of that energy that holds you back from seeing and believing that only love exists! What a powerful way to live. All emotions are equal the problem is when we hold onto them to serve our egos or a place that keeps us still from experiencing life with openness. Be honest with yourself, look at how you love. Do you honestly love with an open heart, purity, no judgement, no grudges, no negative feelings towards others? Growing up I remember my family experiencing a lot of drama, there were times where certain family members would get angry with others and wouldn’t talk for days, months and sometimes even years. I grew up seeing this all the time. I remember several times not understanding why, why would you not want to talk to a loved one? There was a lot of anger. The love I experienced was yes a lot of hugs, kisses, and even “I love you’s ” and my mom always did the best she could with what she had. I felt my love was always conditional, if I behaved a certain way I was considered good, if I kept my mouth shut about any family issues I was considered good, if I so called respected adults according to their rules I was considered good, and the list goes on. I was taught love in a very different way from how I feel it now. Love is not conditional on how I act, Love is not conditional upon me doing the right thing for others, Love is not conditional upon saying the right thing to protect others. I am learning that I am accepted for who I am and that I don’t have to act a certain way in order to be loved. This is so enlightening for me, I am so grateful that I am learning to love and be loved unconditionally! What a wonderful feeling. My family, friends, furry pets, the studio continue to show me that this kind of love does exist. Thank you so much everyone, much love always, Nicole xoxo