Fully Exposed

You know those weeks where so much has happened you don’t even know where to begin. After my boy Victor passed I came to realize his souls purpose with me in showing me unconditional love and helping me through my PTSD and trauma recovery program. Sad but so amazing at the same time. As I transitioned back into work the first of everything without him was very difficult. My first class back to teaching at the studio I cried almost throughout the entire class. Jeff and all my regular lunch time people were there. After class Jeff said to me that was a really beautiful introduction you did today. I had a brief moment later that evening about how I conducted myself through class showing my vulnerability and questioned whether I had done the right thing and then almost felt slightly embarrassed. At that moment I caught myself and really started to nurture my thoughts, I did the right thing, that was me in sadness at that moment and I completely felt through it without a question in my mind, that’s how I knew I did the right thing, there was no thinking involved, no ego to tell me otherwise. Sadness can be very beautiful if you allow it to be. My first class attending was another big one. I was in this posture above and completely fell in love with myself for a few minutes. I have never felt so beautiful, so at peace, so graceful, so soft, so passionate, so blissful as I was lying there. It was like I was in a different world and nothing else existed. That was my moment of truth, a moment of first love with myself. It truly felt magical like I had sprinkles of glitter all through the air surrounding my body. A moment of passion with myself, where I could exist looking at myself without feeling dirty or like I was doing something wrong. You see I’ve never viewed nudity as beautiful and passionate but today I did. I got a glimpse of the other side. You know your getting comfortable when after the picture was taken Dani is like come here and see these, I get on my hands and knees and crawl over to her and lie down beside her and she starts giggling and I said what, she says I’m not sure how comfortable I am with you so close and naked. We both burst out laughing, I hadn’t realized how comfortable I had become. This amazing vessel we live in called our human body has so many capabilities to do whatever we want with it. It should be cherished, it should be nurtured, it should have a caution sign made for it when we need space, stay away until further notice…lol. But as humans we often forget about that and just keep going and then we wonder why we get irritable or we become short tempered and lash out. The next time you notice that your demeanour has changed quickly or you catch yourself snapping or thinking awful thoughts, check in, put the caution sign up and take a moment to look within, see what’s going on and don’t be afraid. The most beautiful things happen when we open the gates and become familiar with ourselves encouraging those moments of openness and vulnerability. We never always have it together, I don’t care who you are, some choose to go there and some choose not too and that’s okay. Live to love yourself completely and honestly. I can’t wait to get my new tattoo of Victors paw print on my foot, he will continue to walk with me everyday as a reminder that unconditional love is the only way to choose to love. Much love, Nicole xoxo