Very interesting week of vulnerability and exposure. The authenticity of who you are is being real and true to yourself without any fears of judgement. I promote this core belief in my studio and as a leader and mentor teaching yoga. I am like everyone else in this world, I do break down and suffer through life’s challenges. In this whole process of growth I’ve seen that in order to truly hold to this I must walk in the same belief and demonstrate strength in the power of vulnerability. Why do we think we need to hide? We hide our emotions due to fears. Fears of judgement, how will people view us or look at us if we can’t keep it together. My question is if we are encouraging people to unfold and allow themselves to express their emotions we need to follow the same practice otherwise how can it be believable, supported and accepted? Soooo this happened to me this week. For the first time in a few months I had a massive panic attack. When I noticed the panic, it was already at the point of no return. What an awful feeling. My panic attacks manifest like the world is closing in on me. I get dizzy, feel numb in my whole body, my heart races and a big thick cloud surrounds my head, I get confused and feel lost. It is all encompassing and honestly feels like there is something wrong with me medically. It lasted all day which has never happened before. I started to feel even worse when I knew that at some point I couldn’t hide it and that I needed to face people. I attempted to get a sub for my classes that I needed to teach because I didn’t want people to see me like this. No one could cover. I felt helpless and couldn’t bear the thought of having to face people in the state I was in. Then I remembered the 13 year old young lady that comes to my classes, I remembered what I talked about last week in class when she was facing anxiety and fear. I walked her through it, I supported her, gave her encouragement to move through it! At that point in time I realized how important it was to step into that class to show her that I don’t just preach this stuff I actually walk through it with grace and beauty holding space. I needed to do this for myself but I also needed to do this for her as well, to show that it’s okay to be vulnerable, it’s okay to tell people where you are at, okay to recognize and challenge the fear. I stepped into class and like any other class I teach from the heart but this time my heart was open to vulnerability and I shared the head space I was in but wanted to walk through it with them. We talked about anxiety and panic and how that affected peoples lives. So when we shared who suffers from anxiety 3/4 of the class suffered from anxiety. Do you think that is coincidence? I think NOT! We are so conditioned to think that feeling is wrong and we need to hide this part of us. My question is why? Why is it so important to us that we hide? But if we were physically ill we wouldn’t hesitate or have a problem with seeking help. The point is we are never immune to this, anyone of us could be faced with any kind of mental illness at any time of our lives. Even when you have the best support or tools to help you process it there are times when we just have to let our guard down and flow with it facing our greatest fears. Today’s picture represents a sense of purity, a complete exposure of vulnerability and openness that requires a different kind of strength. A strength that identifies each and everyone of us as being on the same playing field called life.

Interesting and fun fact for today was waking up this morning and feeling great, Brett passed his G2 license and off to the arena we went for hockey. Chatting at the game and finishing up my blog post I get hit in the eye with Brett’s puck! WTH just happened, I felt woozy 🥴 and a little confused at what just happened. My eye kept leaking fluid and I was like in my head saying why am I tearing up so much only to notice that they weren’t tears but blood dripping down my face. So off I go to the hospital for stitches…so that’s where I am at waiting in the emergency to be treated. Have an amazing weekend all. Much love Nicole xo

2 Comments »

  1. OMG! What a way to wrap up your beautiful post Nicole! On the plus side, your stitches and back eye make you look like such a badass! lol…. Poor Brett; he musta felt so bad!

    Thank-you for your post and your message. Transparency can be a hard thing to follow through with in a world that often promotes shame, guilt and fear. I am so proud of you for sticking it out for yourself and your students. You are setting a loving example for everyone going through something challenging….you are showing them, myself included, that owning your story, being honest with yourself and others and displaying compassion and love for yourself are keys points in healing. You are beautiful Nicole! Thank-you for your courage, strength and dedication to your journey.

    Liked by 2 people

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