So this is obviously a continuation of last week due to circumstances of still remaining in the hospital and having had surgery on my lower back. This has been a weak of lack of control, true unleashed vulnerability, and a deep sense of exposure to compassion and understanding. My whole goal of this challenge was to find myself, acceptance of who I am and moving forward to finding more love in me and the world around me. Each week I explore and open these beautiful pockets carrying little gifts to show me the way to lead the direction so I can see myself and this world with a sense of belonging, acceptance, and always leading with my heart. This is a big task. We all live our lives so differently, shaped in different experiences, shaped in ways that allow us to see feel and hear our everyday choices come out in different ways. Post surgery unleashed a new beast of vulnerability and exposure. You know where you find yourself in those moments and you question how did I get here, and think that this is the end to humiliation right here right now, it can’t get any worse. Now remember due to circumstances that will look so different for everyone. We have all been there at some point of our lives. In those moments we choose words, phrases, and we talk to ourselves about what is happening in the moment and whether it is acceptable to us or not. This week I scared myself with the talk in those moments of vulnerability, I brought light to my mind that certain things weren’t acceptable to be happening but they were anyways because I didn’t see it as a choice. The deeper I dug into it, I did see that it was a choice, it was a choice on my part whether I was going to beat myself up about it over and over and start sitting in the fear of all the “what if’s”? You know those questions that arise to make you feel more scared of something happening that necessarily is just all made up in your head or the ones that do have some truth but those are choices and decisions that involve other people’s ideas which are really no concern to you. I caught myself in many moments where I had to be cared for in very vulnerable ways that made me feel so inadequate. When we have to rely on others is so difficult at times and then I saw the array of sunshine and bliss that came with it all. People coming together as a tribe to help someone in need and that was me the centre of attention which took me for a huge loop. How could I be so worthy of all of this care and support, compassion? It was such a huge wave of discovery within myself that really put all the other questions in my mind to rest. A gentle peace covered my mind and body, a love greater than I’ve ever experienced and realized how important I really am. As I’m still recovering and I was sent home yesterday I realize there is so much more to come. I lay my head and body down to rest, I am with open arms embracing the love and care that is being provided. I finally got to see my surgical wound today when I got to shower, what a beautiful thing. So appreciating those small things in life. Running water down my head, neck, shoulders, back softly heating and warming my body. Just to feel and notice the weight of my dreadlocks as they got heavier when the water hit them. The smell of the soap, using the soap and water to wash was absolutely amazing. Just so many things stood out to me. Take a moment the next time you shower, close your eyes and just use your senses to absorb the present moment with no other distractions, describe in your head and acknowledge what it feels like to be in that moment with yourself. I feel this weeks picture represents so much, the beauty and compassion of humanity in the people that surround you, the ability to face the presence with acknowledgement and move through it seeing the other side, so much time to reflect and see so many things as I’ve been given the opportunity to do this. Opportunities for healing, seeing and believing I am worth it! Take a moment today on Mother’s Day to see your greatness in this world. What you do on a daily basis that impacts the world far more than what you can see, the ripple effect. We are far more than what we can actually see. Much love always, Happy Mother’s Day everyone 💜

5 Comments »

  1. Tragic events, though never invited nor welcome, teach us how much our friends and family care about us; how much our care means to others in their time of need, and teach us to appreciate the ordinary, mundane things of life that we often take for granted. Without sad times, we cannot fully appreciate the good times. Take care of yourself and do not be ashamed to allow others to take care of you during this time.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. It’s been a month since your last post, and while work has kept me preoccupied during that time, I was reminded of you in the past couple days, and curious as to your status. I hope you are out of the hospital and well on the road to recovery. It would be nice to hear how you and your family are doing. No doubt your other readers are quietly cheering for you and hoping for the best!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I will post shortly, it definitely has been a rough road to say the least. Fear has bitten my ass this is why I haven’t posted in a while. I will overcome this too. Thank you for reaching out, just knowing a stranger cares enough to do this has inspired me tremendously. You will hear from me shortly!

      Like

  3. Looking forward to your posts. Working in healthcare, patients often feel embarrassed about their concerns. I assure them while that their problem may be new to them, it is not new to humans in general…mother nature gets angry with all of us sooner or later. The key to overcoming challenges is not being ashamed to admit you’re struggling, and not being afraid to seek help. Only then can we get the help we need. It is the process of sharing our struggles that inspires others and gives them hope in difficult times.

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s