Fully Exposed

So this is obviously a continuation of last week due to circumstances of still remaining in the hospital and having had surgery on my lower back. This has been a weak of lack of control, true unleashed vulnerability, and a deep sense of exposure to compassion and understanding. My whole goal of this challenge was to find myself, acceptance of who I am and moving forward to finding more love in me and the world around me. Each week I explore and open these beautiful pockets carrying little gifts to show me the way to lead the direction so I can see myself and this world with a sense of belonging, acceptance, and always leading with my heart. This is a big task. We all live our lives so differently, shaped in different experiences, shaped in ways that allow us to see feel and hear our everyday choices come out in different ways. Post surgery unleashed a new beast of vulnerability and exposure. You know where you find yourself in those moments and you question how did I get here, and think that this is the end to humiliation right here right now, it can’t get any worse. Now remember due to circumstances that will look so different for everyone. We have all been there at some point of our lives. In those moments we choose words, phrases, and we talk to ourselves about what is happening in the moment and whether it is acceptable to us or not. This week I scared myself with the talk in those moments of vulnerability, I brought light to my mind that certain things weren’t acceptable to be happening but they were anyways because I didn’t see it as a choice. The deeper I dug into it, I did see that it was a choice, it was a choice on my part whether I was going to beat myself up about it over and over and start sitting in the fear of all the “what if’s”? You know those questions that arise to make you feel more scared of something happening that necessarily is just all made up in your head or the ones that do have some truth but those are choices and decisions that involve other people’s ideas which are really no concern to you. I caught myself in many moments where I had to be cared for in very vulnerable ways that made me feel so inadequate. When we have to rely on others is so difficult at times and then I saw the array of sunshine and bliss that came with it all. People coming together as a tribe to help someone in need and that was me the centre of attention which took me for a huge loop. How could I be so worthy of all of this care and support, compassion? It was such a huge wave of discovery within myself that really put all the other questions in my mind to rest. A gentle peace covered my mind and body, a love greater than I’ve ever experienced and realized how important I really am. As I’m still recovering and I was sent home yesterday I realize there is so much more to come. I lay my head and body down to rest, I am with open arms embracing the love and care that is being provided. I finally got to see my surgical wound today when I got to shower, what a beautiful thing. So appreciating those small things in life. Running water down my head, neck, shoulders, back softly heating and warming my body. Just to feel and notice the weight of my dreadlocks as they got heavier when the water hit them. The smell of the soap, using the soap and water to wash was absolutely amazing. Just so many things stood out to me. Take a moment the next time you shower, close your eyes and just use your senses to absorb the present moment with no other distractions, describe in your head and acknowledge what it feels like to be in that moment with yourself. I feel this weeks picture represents so much, the beauty and compassion of humanity in the people that surround you, the ability to face the presence with acknowledgement and move through it seeing the other side, so much time to reflect and see so many things as I’ve been given the opportunity to do this. Opportunities for healing, seeing and believing I am worth it! Take a moment today on Mother’s Day to see your greatness in this world. What you do on a daily basis that impacts the world far more than what you can see, the ripple effect. We are far more than what we can actually see. Much love always, Happy Mother’s Day everyone 💜