Fully Exposed

Something I noticed the busier I get the more I want to take on. That Type A personality kicks in and it’s hard to slow down. This is where I need to watch and pay attention to more balance in my life. I’ve been finding small projects that I can do at my own pace that really make me feel good about myself and a deep sense of accomplishment. I sit back and wonder but why is it that I need those things to make myself feel good. What am I feeding as I seek those feel good feelings? Any type A personalities out there understand what it means to be busy, what it means to obsess over things, and what it means to loose yourself in projects, events, that push and drive to always keep you going. We don’t get tired and when we are tired we most often don’t know we are until we slow down by sitting on the couch or for supper or at the end of the day and we fall asleep. You grind yourself so hard during the day that you drop at the end of the day without that intention. Sometimes realizing or feeling like there isn’t enough hours in the day to get done what we want. Does this sound familiar? It’s a tough cookie to crumble, breaking old habits. So as I became immersed in work and family life planning this week I realized today as I was writing exactly what happened. My body is really letting me know that I was too hard on it this week and this is no longer my way of living. Slowing down, taking breaks and coming up for air is a definite must in my healing, in my growing, in my understanding of the self sabotage I did for many years going at full speed. You see I’m an all or nothing kind of gal and I know there is so many others out there like me. We don’t complain we just push through everything and minimize what we are going through because if we did see it would be too hard to stop. Keep going your mind says you have a lot to get done. You can rest later and then later never comes. Pulling back the reigns, stopping the insanity and seeing that the human body isn’t meant to work like a machine, although realizing machines break down too. So what really is this all about? Why do we do these things? What drives us to keep going even when we are falling apart? History, your upbringing, how you were molded. Are we running from the obvious that is right in front of us? It’s like stopping in the middle of a race and saying okay I need a rest….WHAT???? No way! What is wrong with surrendering? What is wrong with stopping? So my biggest fears is that I would be seen as a quitter, as someone who couldn’t handle the heat. So I would give up my body and it’s limitations for fears of not being enough, fears of being judged by others, fears that I would be alone and excluded. Only the strong make it. But when we think of that statement and I know I’m not alone in this, what are we really saying about ourselves and others? What definition and perceptions are identified by only the strong make it? For me this has really changed. When I see and feel someone else’s honesty, vulnerability and surrender that’s where I see such great strength! Over the past few years my life, my friends of choice have really shifted. I want to have real conversations, I want to be able to be myself with people, I want to be able to dress myself and express myself the way I’ve always wanted. But what I’ve noticed is this comes along with a lot of changes. Very good changes, ones that I’m immensely proud of, ones that have lead me to the support system I have today. The universe will support you in all those wonderful ways in whatever it is that you desire. The yoga studio, my friends, my family are all delicately put into place for perfect timing in all that happens. The picture this week represents a heightened sense of comfort. Pigeon pose has always been one of those poses that I could fall asleep in. It allows me to dream, to feel at home, to sense the earth and take in all its beautiful energy. I am one, I am energy, I am love! Even though I’m physically in a place where I’m challenged 24/7 with my body I am being shown so many other things I might not have had time to do. I wouldn’t have slowed down enough to take on little projects that make my heart smile. I got to see my husbands face as he was greatly surprised with his 50th birthday party that I had so much fun planning. It was a blessing. I thank the universe once again for an amazing week and placing all my little helpers in line so I could pull off an amazing party! Much Love Nicole xoxo