Well well well so many things all coming together. New studio coming along, lots of running around and wheeling and dealing to save money. I’m always looking for a good deal ;). I seen some beautiful transitions this week. As I become busier I seem to be able to manage the pain much better almost like my brain is recognizing that it’s not going away so it’s adapting. I’m still having sucky moments but who doesn’t right? I continued to address the conversations in my mind how they dictate how I’m going to feel in that moment and carry it with me for the rest of the day. This morning I looked at my naked body in the mirror and right away my eyes are drawn to the areas I love to pick on. Like true bullying but in a self hatred kind of way. But today I looked and saw something different. I saw the rolls on my belly and I was like hey you rolls are looking good today. I thanked them for traveling with me and helping me grow as a person. I then looked at my hair, my beautiful lovely dreadlocks and smiled. I said wow you look pretty good for just waking up…lol. It’s amazing how that small shift happened so easily and so automatically without even realizing it until now. The past weekend wasn’t so inviting and forgiving unfortunately. I was sidetracked with a lot of things last Saturday that I forgot to pick up my pain medications. As I realized this I went into panic mode. I rely on these, I had flashbacks instantly of screaming in pain and not being able to walk. There was nothing I could do. I reached out to a few people but with no real great solutions. So I landed taking some older medications that I had from a few years ago that were much less in potency. I’m sure I took way more than I was supposed too and thinking about it probably killed my liver but I was desperate. So on top of that what happens when you stop taking opioids? Yup that’s right full blown WITHDRAWALS!!! I hated myself, I was so irritable, I was sweating, I was yelling at my kids because any little thing they did irritated the shit out of me. As some people would call it, I was a real BITCH :(. So very much that it scared me thinking that this is what it’s going to be like when I come off this nasty shit. I know I’ll wean slowly off them but still it definitely won’t be fun and now I see why drug abusers become so consumed. It’s definitely a tough gig to handle. I have an all new understanding for them. I didn’t get my medications until Tuesday morning but I’m sure I was their first customer…lol. As I moved further into the week everything just fell into place. I was busy and focused and on track. You see I see so clearly the opposite ends of the spectrum. I was truly so happy doing the things I love all those things that I never had time for before. I have been so obsessed with succulents, buying them and planting my own left and right. Then I asked Dani hey what does this mean? So like she always does researched it. It turns out I’m attracted to them because they are helping me remind myself how strong, hardy, and my ability to survive through anything. Succulents symbolize enduring and timeless love for they are tenacious plants that store water in their thick leaves and stems. They can survive with little water and store it within the leaves. I was truly amazed. Who knew? I just thought it was extremely interesting how sometimes we are just in need of certain things, earthly things that help support us and show a new sense of love and emotions. Call it weird but I really love my plants. I spend time each morning giving them some TLC. Next time you are uncontrollably attracted to something and desperately feel the need to have it, question why, see if you can understand what this item brings to you. The earth makes such beautiful things. My friend Jessica brings me this tea that she picks, it’s green and has a very soft velvety taste that helps with inflammation. I absolutely love it and have been drinking it daily. Today she brought in this amazing cornbread with all kinds of things picked from our amazing earth. I felt like I was in my body this week, I was respectful and I also cared a lot for it and gave it what it needs without question or criticism. So this posture this week represents laughter to me but typically wouldn’t always do that for other people. I feel like a giddy child in this posture one being that I had an experience in a YIN class that I broke out into complete belly laughter that I had to leave the studio. Warning what I’m going to tell you next is a little twisted so caution. I sometimes get these crazy thoughts in my head when I’m in a giddy mood and this class I was. I positioned myself into legs up the wall and noticed the electrical outlet right between my legs. Yes my mind went there all I could think about was what if this outlet electrocutes my vagina. I don’t mean to offend anyone but it was a moment that you don’t ever forget. Like why? So this week I was happy and giddy and this represents all that for me. It also represents the deep connection I have with the earth, how it makes me feel connected and energized. It’s such a beautiful thing. On that note I’ll leave you with that. Much love, Nicole xoxo

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