Fully Exposed

It all happened, second back surgery done and now into recovery. I had instrumentation rods and screws put in from L2-S1, with bone scraping at L5 and disc replacement at L3. I was puzzled shortly after surgery my friend Jessica said to me all you have to do today is some healing. In my head honestly I was like WTH do you mean that’s the furthest from my mind. I had to actually ask her what do you mean. That’s how much time as a healer and someone who gives to others all the time thinks. Always about giving and i was truly caught in that moment of how could I possibly give anything at this point. I am way too self absorbed…lol. It’s not self absorbed it’s healing my dear friend. Your only job today is to heal your body. Ohhhhhhhhh now I get it with laughter. As I have learnt over the years and expanding my awareness I can see every inch of what is supposed to be and if I can’t I am gently reminded. I only spent a few days in hospital as I was feeling great, well as good as you can after having your back sliced open for the second time leaving a scar that is 12-16” long….yup that’s how big this warrior wound is. Setting myself free of pain has been a task though. I thought it was going to be easy peazy, nope says the universe I’m going to show you some other things first. One being having my first panic attack only a day after surgery leaving me crawled up in bed in the fetal position rocking saying I can’t stop the flashbacks. It was horrible and I was confused, why now. Now because your brain has some room to think, the pain isn’t the total focus anymore. We can play says the mind. There has been some relief so now your mind and body are saying okay so where did we leave off from the last time. This time I had my husband at my side giving me support and an amazing nurse that gave absolutely no judgement and gave me my medications and also made sure I would have access to them anytime I needed them. I actually was wowed by her, I felt nothing but sincere empathy. So grateful! The second missing obstacle is the fact that I have had a substantial amount of wound drainage that has come out in bursts. After contacting the doctor I am now on antibiotics and incision dressings changes 4 times per day. An infection huh, so my brain is thinking what exactly am I holding onto. There is a definite reason for these things happening. A life without pain gives the opportunity to tune into other things. The ability to rise and shine on the other side, a new found happiness, no more clouded judgement or preoccupied thinking. I can see so so so much more. I’m enlightened and blessed on so many levels. It just seems that these other obstacles seem so less of urgency and more of okay well this is how we deal with this. Almost like an expanded intelligence. Even my scar, I see it and I’m like meh that’s going to heal and I’ll be off doing other things…lol. This weekend my friend Dana is going to do an extraction of some sort having to do with shamanic healings. I’m looking forward to going through the process. Hold tight and stay tuned as the next adventure awaits. Much love to all of you xoxo