Fully Exposed

It’s all about the inconveniences this past week. As I explore deeper into me I realize how consumed I was with my inconveniences. I have felt on many occasions that I am a nuisance to my friends and family around me when I have to rely solely on them to get through my day. What I didn’t realize was these people want to help and the biggest inconvenience is the one I make upon myself. I never considered myself as being that important, I risked my self love and was willing to throw my needs away because I felt that I was more of a nuisance to others than I was being to myself. How strange is that concept but so very true. The big question we can ask ourselves is “how am I inconveniencing myself at this moment”. As I got ready for my photo shoot this week I felt it was an inconvenience. Everything that surrounded this picture became an inconvenience, even down to the last straw of picking the right one. It was overwhelming to take the picture and pick the right one, there was no right one this week. Which is very odd because each week I look forward to it and the session is usually done in about 5 minutes. NOT this week! This week brought up many times where I needed to use my 24 hour rule and most times this works but the last few times left me more in distress. I wasn’t able to address my needs at the moment. Waiting 24 hours for some things may apply but not to everything. As I waited to speak to my husband about an issue I realized that during that long time my needs were not being addressed and causing more stress and anxiety than feeling calmer. I still do believe in waiting, but as my therapist said maybe shortening that time gap to 10-15min when in those moments it allows you to calm down from a heightened state but also allows you to connect with the person letting them know your feelings and how your needs need to be acknowledged. When we wait too long for some things the feelings and the emotions get pushed down telling ourselves that it’s not worth it to address. We are important and so important that we all have needs that need to be met and acknowledged along the way in a loving and compassionate way. Everything is so linked together. One emotion and action leads into the other. Like for example my independence, I was getting stuck with this when people would say, but I don’t want to take away your independence by doing things for you. The more I thought about it the more it made sense that no one can take away your independence especially in my case, it was taken away from me by the universe. The moment I fell is when I lost my independence. Loving and caring people around me help gain back my independence by helping in all the beautiful ways they do. I’m so grateful to know and have these precious people in my life to help me regain that piece which is so important to me. Many times it has come across to me how much I have been losing myself and essentially growing into a different physical reality. These changes are just a perception of the mind in many cases. When we are connected to spirit we are always at our purest form of love, but when we are focused on the aspects of the physical world it sees and perceives things differently as they change form. I am who I am and will always be. As a society we get so caught up in the physical world and the aspects of change. Like oh did you see so in so they have gained so much weight lately..etc. It’s funny how our brains automatically go to this place instead of honouring the human soul that they are. It’s so important to stray away from this concept and share in the process of healing. Sharing our healing experiences with the people in our lives helps them grow too. We all gain new perspectives and alignments when we live in the moment individually without separation from one another. We gain more knowledge and exploration when we collaborate all together as one than separately. My therapist taught me that when we have a team or a community building together and strategizing we come out with much stronger outlooks and conclusions than we would with one singular person who has one idea. Imagine that! It’s so true, now my question is how can you apply this to your daily life? Can we trust others more deeply and collaborate with a bigger broader idea or a solution to a problem than one singular person that is only subject to their ideas. I like the community idea, I like the idea of trusting and sharing with others to come up with a solution that may have many aspects to it to help ourselves heal. Just so many interesting concepts that can help lead us to the higher good in life. Be open and honest with yourself and your thinking patterns. Do you trust people enough? Do you open up with truth and honesty? Keep thinking and living in the moment, until next time much love, Nicole xoxo

Side Note: I saw my surgeon and I am going for my 3rd back surgery sometime soon. He told me I would be placed on the urgent list. This also brought up many many feelings which I tapped into slowly as they poured out. My physical body will once again be challenged and change.