Fully Exposed

All I can say is wow week 52 is already here. I sit here and I’m reflecting on the past years events and it leaves me joyful for the whole experience. This week has been a huge reflection of many things. How much I’ve grown over this past year and what it has taught me about myself. I can truly say I’m a much better person because of all this. The tears, the laughter the emotions at their most heightened state have all taught me so many things. The biggest lessen is being real and raw with myself, there is no other satisfaction greater than that. My truth is god, my truth always helps me to see beyond what I thought was possible. I’ve struggled my whole entire life, being truly happy with myself, choosing me first before anything without feeling guilty about it. I can say with confidence that I do chose myself over and over again and realize how much work went into realizing my worth in this world. Do I trip every once and a while YES I’d be a liar if I said no. It has been a wild and crazy ride but I’ve always considered myself as “different” not the average who lives a life full of comforts. I like and thoroughly enjoy the challenge of believing in my intuition, trusting and surrendering to the fact that life will lead the way for me if I give up all attachments. Attachments and expectations that can hold us captive. They make us believe that life will be a certain way and then when it’s not it becomes such a huge overwhelming disappointment. I believe in no disappointments. There is no such thing. Another huge life lesson is being distracted less by my ego. The ego gets us into trouble as it makes us believe things that aren’t true. We get all caught up in the me me me attitude and then we get surprised with our failures. I say stay humble my friends the grass isn’t any greener on the other side our ego just tries to make us believe it is to get what it wants. Then voila reality hits and we find ourselves in a deeper darker hole. The mind can be a powerful tool if used in the right way. Loving yourself never fails, peel away the layers and find yourself open to feeling, but really and truly feeling. What does that feel like? So many people have no idea what that is because they are so caught up in the everyday hustle and bustle of their lives. On the outside that shell is too thick to see in. Inwards can be a scary place if you haven’t spent a lot of time there. The more you do the better it gets, the sweeter it gets, the more real it gets. Just like the layers of a jawbreaker it just keeps getting better and better as you go through each layer anticipating that unknown juicy centre of goodness that has taken invested time to get there. You have the choice to take time to experience each layer or crunch threw it breaking down the layers and allowing yourself to get lost in the flavours not knowing what is what. Life is like the jawbreaker, we can make conscious choices, that will allow us to move through life experiencing it in happiness and not always searching for the next best layer of goodness but enjoying the goodness you have now. How can you be nicer and softer to you? What can slow you down enough to see what is right in front of you? I know going forward this isn’t over for me. I will always be curious but never enough to miss the sweetness that is right there in front of me. As I go into my 3rd back surgery I have so many bottled up feelings that will only release in small bits. I know this is planned for me, it is my calling , I need to pay attention in this very moment and trust that I have faith but that I will also make a conscious effort to choose me in the process. I am fully aware that I need to participate and take action in my healing and no longer stand on the sideline watching. If I’m gonna be in the game I need to play in it the best I can. I will make every effort to prepare myself and all others involved in my healing. I will not be just hopeful but I know I will be taken care of and be pain free because that is what I choose. You see my friends I not only believe I will heal, I know I will heal and be pain free because that’s what I have chosen. It will not just be another operation on my back, it will BE the operation on my back that will heal this lifelong journey of pain. Pain and suffering that I knew I had to go through to move onto the next level. We all have this magic power of CHOICE! I will enter into a new state of freedom. This picture of week 52 and 1 year mark has more power than I even know at this moment, I can just feel a fraction of it. My arms up in the air calling upon my helpers to join me in every step of the way I take as I put one foot in front of the other. I am a goddess. I surrender and free myself of all that is holding me captive. The lace represents the softness of the road ahead as it wraps itself around my body and leading the path. What a beautiful way to step forward into the unknown with such resilience, passion and accomplishment of knowing what comes ahead is welcome with open arms. I can’t be anymore sure if this at this moment in time. It’s the end to my new beginning. So much love and happiness Nicole xoxo

P.S. stay tuned for maybe some more future pictures and postings because it’s never over and I say that with a huge smile on my face 😀