Today was a huge realization, a realization that my energy will never be the same. I will never be able to function at the pace I did before. I keep trying and I say nothing but most days I can hardly keep my eyes open. It’s a hard thing to admit for me. I hear others on a daily basis repeat this mantra “I’m tired or I’m tired today” and there I am I n the background saying, really nope not me. I call bullshit on myself. Ever since my three surgeries and trying to get back to normal life I see myself struggling a lot. When someone would say I’m tired I’d be like in my head oh hear we go, suck it up you say this all the time when will you ever have energy. It is kind of my pet peeve, is this Karma getting me back now? I’m that sad person but I don’t admit or have great difficulty saying it. So what is it that bothers me so much about this idea of being tired. Is it a portrayed laziness? Is it assuming things won’t get done? I’m trying to place myself in those situations where people state these feelings, it’s not so much the one timers but the people that say this repeatedly. It literally makes me cringe inside and want to ignore them but in doing that I stew over it. I feel part of the problem is I feel like so much has been taken away from me and I still push through those moments of tiredness without complaining. It’s almost like I feel they aren’t Warranted the complaining. But who am I to judge someone else’s feelings or sensations. These are my truths but they are also theirs. I need to let go of holding onto what others feel and stop comparing myself to others. Maybe I’m bitter of the fact that I feel robbed of my energy sometimes and I wish I had it again, but I don’t so I feel like no one else has the right to complain. I don’t want this burden any longer. I just want to be able to feel the tiredness and respect it within myself and others. Maybe others have learnt to do that already and this is where I lack. Today is one of those days where I felt so insanely tired I couldn’t even keep my eyes open to I shut them for a bit and actually slept about 1.5 hrs in the car. So this picture was taken today to reflect this day forever to remind myself that I can wash away those moments of thoughts that don’t serve me, I can connect with my higher power for guidance and ask for help in these moments where these thoughts do not serve my higher good. Judgement of ourselves or others always gets us into trouble where the ego takes over your power and leaves you with a false sense of self. This picture is about cleansing our minds and bodies and letting it run away with the current. I thank goodness for this freeing opportunity where I could be naked and free and support myself in a non judgemental way. This life journey has allowed me to see so many inspirational moments where I can connect deep within myself. A safe place where I can explore and not be afraid to do so. Challenge yourself to see what isn’t evident to you, challenge yourself to see what judgements you make, what moments bring a rise in your temperament. Look for clarity in who you really are. We are amazing beings with so much power and wisdom.
Much Love Always,